Anyone who has read one of my articles has, without a doubt, taken notice that I’ve gone out of my way to refer to myself as a more than casual user of cannabis products. I always enjoy being medicated with the highest amount of THC at all times. I’m always looking for the quickest way to get the most lifted. That all changed this past week when I was offered an opportunity with a company I greatly admire.
After an interesting interview process, I was forwarded some pre-employment paperwork. I signed a release saying that I would submit to drug screening and a background check, all stuff I’ve signed before without ever actually having to do it. I figured that the drug screening paperwork was just for if I was injured on the job, I would have to drop. Which I was okay with.
I was casually toking away, the morning I received the job offer. When I got it, it came with one condition; that I submit to a drug and alcohol screening as well as a doctor’s physical. My immediate thought was “since it’s a physical as well as a drug test, the doctor will see my privates, therefore synthetic urine is not an option and I need to detox.” I consulted buddies who have been in this situation before, they all said I can clear out my system in three days if I tried really hard. I picked the day to take the test five days after my last toke, just to be safe.
This was stressful for me, I knew that now I had to spend money on my detox, because my body didn’t stand a chance of clearing it on it’s own.
I am a rather skinny individual, I figured I would have no problem clearing my system. As a heavy user of medical cannabis, I could not have been more wrong. The first three days, I drank about 1.6 gallons of water a day. I accompanied the H2O with lots of sweat. Exercising whenever I had the chance, I found myself running over three miles a day. The morning of the fourth day, I decided to drop a sample for an at home drug test. Much like several tracks on Kanye’s new album, this was a nasty sample. I had tested positive for marijuana. This was stressful for me, I knew that now I had to spend money on my detox, because my body didn’t stand a chance of clearing it on it’s own. That being said, I still increased my water intake and exercise in order to aid the cleanse I was planning on taking.
Twenty four hours before the test, I walked into Mike’s Smoke Shop on the historic Hollywood Walk of Fame. I explained my situation to the friendly staff and we discussed all the options together. I was first pointed towards synthetic urine. I explained that I wouldn’t have the option to use this because a physical was to be conducted as well. The owner was pretty sure I could still use the synthetic urine, but I told him I needed to use my own sample. We watched some YouTube videos and read some reviews on some of the most popular detox brands on the market. I was drawn to QCARBO32 because it had several positive reviews and testimonies. This product is usually available at GNC for around $50-$60. My homies at Mike’s in Hollywood had it for only $40! I was sold after about an hour of carefully deliberating which cleanse was best for me. I grabbed another at home drug test just so I could see if my natural cleanse was working. If I showed up negative on this test, I could easily go in and pass on my own in the morning.
That night, my urine was still positive for marijuana, almost 5 whole days after smoking my last bowl. If my toxin levels were STILL that high, there was no way I was going to use my own sample.
These products are not meant to clean out your system of THC even if it says HERBAL CLEANSE on the bottle.
The bottom line is, QCARBO32 and other detoxes such as XXTRA CLEAN may have a ton of positive reviews for them, but they do not promise to clean THC and other cannabinoids out of your body. They aren’t even marketed like that. If you find a detox that clearly states on the packaging or website that you will pass a drug test, I would love for you to let me know in the comments, I hope I’m wrong. These products are not meant to clean out your system of THC even if it says HERBAL CLEANSE on the bottle. There are lots of herbs besides mary jane. Don’t be fooled by cheeky marketing.
I woke up the day of the test with a brand new attitude and strategy. Feel free to read how I actually passed the test in Part Two on Monday.